One leg of that trip put me on a flight from Chicago to Denver. It was a large aircraft that even had fancy business and first class seating. I was back in coach and ended up sitting next to a really nice college sophomore. I didn’t know any of this at first. She greeted me when I took my seat I quickly said hello and then I put on my eyeshade. I know I’ve written a bunch recently about meeting people on planes, but in this case, I knew I needed sleep.

An hour or so later, I woke up and discovered my seatmate drawing. She had a cool set of crayons–oil pastels or something that allowed the colors to blend in a really cool fashion. I sat up and started to watch her draw. She was initially a little self conscious, but after a moment or two, she started to describe what she was doing. I asked if I could see her sketchbook. Apparently, she had filled dozens and dozens of them in her college apartment.

I don’t believe in false praise. I don’t tear people down with insults, but I don’t give out pointless compliments either. I didn’t have to worry about that with this girl. She was talented. Her drawings had this unique energy to them. They were slightly abstract and a bit disturbing, but I was fascinated by them. I asked her if she was an art student.

“No, I’m a psychology major.”

“Have you taken any art classes?”

“No. I’ve wanted to, but I don’t know.”

She began another drawing. I was even more amazed during the second illustration. There was a different energy in this sketch, but that same energy in the lines and the blending of the colors. I’m not going to even try to be an art critic–all I knew was that I liked what I saw.

I think far too many of us are like the girl sitting next to me. We have these incredible talents that we don’t always pursue to their fullest extent. I think psychology is a wonderful degree–I’m glad she chose to major in it–but I worry that people let other parts of themselves die as we grow older. At the same time, I wish that more of us could have aspects of this girl more present in their lives. She might not be pursuing art as a degree, but she’s still expressing herself. She spent her few hours on the plane drawing images and seeing what developed.

What would happen if we just engaged in some of our interests and pursued them just a little bit more? And if we did, could we be as brave as this girl and share them with a stranger?

It’s been over a week and I’m still thinking about the cool things I saw.

In this case, it was her drawing, not some sweatshirt or anything that began our dialogue. When we live bolder, our interactions can be richer.

So to that psychology major who is a sophomore from one of those great Boston colleges, I thank you for drawing on a plane. You made what was supposed to be a nap flight into one that made me dream a bit about how I wanted to live when I was awake.

It’s not the question you’d normally expect at a Wine & Pizza Bar in Arizona. I was sitting there, waiting for my friend to join me when this really nice woman walked up to me and asked, “Are you from Vancouver?”

If this was a one-time occurrence, perhaps I would have responded with some form of surprise or a look of confusion, but the question was actually one I had heard quite a bit ever since I returned from the Olympics. Just before boarding my flight home to Phoenix from Vancouver, I was lucky enough to find one of the popular Team Canada hoodies which I now wear fairly regularly during my travels. I think it’s a cool looking sweatshirt (one of the major reasons I purchased it), but I’ve also discovered it has an incredible ability to start up a conversation.

“No, I was just at the Olympics. I love the city though. Are you from there?”

“Yes, my husband and I live there.”

“What part?”

“Richmond.”

“Oh, I attended a concert out there…”

I’ve had similar conversations like this with several people. During my first week or two after the Olympics, I seemed to only sit next to Canadians on flights and in boarding areas. They’d see my sweatshirt, and we’d start talking about the country as a whole. Apparently a bunch of Canadians spend their winters here in Phoenix, and so I’ve also had this same conversation walking around town. If the person isn’t Canadian, they are at least familiar with the design and the conversation turns into some discussion about the Olympics and what it felt like to be there. Almost always the conversation expands to other interests, pursuits, hopes, and anecdotes. I’ve really met some incredibly nice people simply because I happen to be wearing a sweatshirt that boldly says “CANADA” across the front.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had an article of clothing I like to call “ice breaker attire.” In high school I regularly wore one of two shirts to events. One said “i am a nerd” the other “Mumblypeg: It’s Not What You Think It Is.” People would read this shirts and start talking with me. First about the shirt and later about life in general. I forgot how much I enjoyed these interactions until I found this Canada sweatshirt.

I’m starting to realize that when I put on a piece of “ice breaker attire,” I’m open to who I might meet that day. It’s my own nonverbal cue (in a VERY basic sense) that opens me up to new interactions. There are times when I go through my day or my time on the road purposefully isolated. I consume my time by looking things up on my iPhone or diving into my latest book or DVD, but when I where my Canada sweatshirt, I know–at least for now–that isolation won’t be a possibility that day. Someone is going to ask me a question, and I look forward to that conversation.

My friend eventually arrived and we were in the middle of a nice conversation of our own when I had a pleasant interruption.

“Just wanted to say goodbye,” the women said with her husband at her side. “We really hope you have a chance to visit Vancouver again. It was very nice to meet you.”

“It was nice to meet you as well.”

And it was.

He’s not the only one. In recent weeks the suicides of actor Andrew Koenig (known for his popular character “Boner” on the TV show Growing Pains), Michael Blosil (son of singer & tv personality Marie Osmond), and singer/songwriter Mark Linkous have dominated headlines.

On a more personal note, I finished presenting a workshop dealing with tragedies in our schools last week at the California Association of Directors of Activities only to have my co-presenter return to her school (where I did my student teaching) and learn about a student suicide. My facebook newsfeed began to contain multiple status updates from students and teachers at that school as they try to cope with another unfortunate loss.

This permanent act is not a solution to our problems. We need to actively work to change the way we deal with challenges, setbacks, disappointments, rejections, and depression. I’m not a psychologist, and I’m not claiming expertise here, but I do think the following can help in times when you or your friends struggle.

REM Song #4: Everybody Hurts

On their 1992 album Automatic for the People, REM released the song Everybody Hurts. The band made the lyrics direct, purposefully aiming the message of the song to high school students. I think the first major problem with depression is that we don’t believe those lyrics, and therefore we don’t talk about it. We keep things bottled up. We think we’re all alone. We forget that “everybody hurts.” Most Americans will face some form of minor or major depression in their lifetime. I’m a professional “motivational” speaker, and yet I’ll definitely admit that therw have been times in my life where I’ve been depressed. This isn’t abnormal in any way. Unfortunately, far too many people believe that it is and increasingly isolate themselves during these times. In truth, we need to do the opposite to get ourselves out of it.

There are several things that we can do:

1. Talk about it

I have several family members and friends that I can call up at any time of day. They provide me great perspective and input. They validate who I am or sometimes call me on my crap. It’s nice to have that kick in the butt or that necessary hug. Sometimes the best things we can do is vocalize that emotion. I’d much rather expression frustration or sadness in a conversation with a trusted friend than try to drown in out with some form of alcohol or drug. It’s a matter of healing. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a family member or friend, utilize one of the amazing anonymous 800 numbers available for you. If the depression is more serious, consider looking into meeting regular with a counselor. Again, many people have done it and it can be quite healthy. There are trained professionals who can provide you far better advice than anything I’ve listed below. If you’re at a college or university, it may be possible to get the first few sessions absolutely free.

Special note: I don’t believe talking about these things via a facebook status update is the best method. We truly need personal contact. If you can, meet up in person–it’s better.

2. Allot Time for Emotion

Tuesdays with Morrie remains one of my favorite books. The book explores the relationship between a dying professor and one of his former students as they explore major questions of life. I read it just after graduating from high school. One piece definitely stood out for me. Morrie, faced with a realization that his physical abilities are slowly shutting down and that he is indeed dying, allows himself a few moments each morning to intensely experience the emotions of sadness, anger, frustration, and confusion. Then, he says to himself that he has a day to live. With certain life events, this might be the best strategy. Give yourself 10 minutes and allow those emotions to sink in, but then make steps to experience more positive at least for the rest of that day.

3. Exercise

I’m a huge advocate of exercising during times of depression. Several years ago, when faced with some sadness after getting dumped by the girl I was dating, exercising was the major thing that brought me out of that emotional slump. There are so many scientific studies that demonstrate a correlation between physical activity and increased happiness. At times lifting weights or going on a hard run can help reduce some of that frustration. If nothing else, it can really mean doing something positive for yourself. You’ll likely feel better about yourself as you get improved physical results. Make it even better and join up with a friend during this time. That added contact with another person is great.

4. Serve

Studies have also shown a correlation between volunteer service and an improved mental state. Helping others makes us feel significant and provides a sense of purpose. Find a group, organization, or cause and assist there. You may also make some new friends in the process which just makes life that much better.

5. Begin and End with Gratitude

If you wake up each day and think about what is missing in your life, you’ll approach your day feeling empty or lacking. Instead, if you begin your day thinking about what you are thankful for in your life, it places you in a place to appreciate the things around you. I started doing this last fall and when I’m consistent about thinking this way, my days are truly wonderful.

6. Design your own Motivational Soundtrack

I have certain songs I listen to when I need that perspective or drive. Swim by Jack’s Mannequin is my latest addition to the playlist. For me, I like songs that acknowledge some of the struggle, but ultimately have a place of home. I try to stay away from the sadder songs that remain empty (unless I’m listening to them in my allotted emotion time).

7. Remember the Doppler Effect

If you’ve seen me speak, you might have heard me describe the Doppler Effect in relationship to sirens. Basically it has to do with our perception of soundwaves as object moves towards us or away from us. I like to say that our lives tend to be in that front end of the path where it siren appears to increase in frequency and pitch, where everything is intense. It is important for us to remember that “this too shall pass.” When we have the chance to look back on things, they always appear differently. I was definitely in a state of depression a few years ago following that breakup, but I look back now and I see the whole thing differently. I see the relationship for what it was and I completely recognize that she wasn’t right for me–I’m actually thankful she ended the relationship. I look at my self-pity at the time as a bit of a waste of valuable time with family and friends. It’s definitely changed the way I try to approach things today.

8. Read

I still think reading is an incredible way to instantly gain great perspective. If the people around you don’t provide you the best advice, perhaps a great author can. These are some of my favorite life perspective books. Each challenges you to think about how you are living, the nature of your struggles, and what we choose to do. This list is in no way comprehensive, but they are definitely some of my favorites

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Marie Rilke

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: A Memoir of Life and Death by Jean-Dominique Bauby

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller

Life’s Golden Ticket by Brendon Burchard

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Helping Others

On Monday a student at the high school where the suicide took place, sent me a message and asked how he could help his friends. I told him that major thing is to BE THERE for them. This can take on all different forms. Our friends may need us to talk about what is going on in their lives or distract them with a fun movie or pick up game of basketball. They may need us to just be that quiet presence that is with them, or that brave force that potentially initially betrays their trust to report a dangerous situation to appropriate people who can assist them. There are tools and resources to help with all of this.

Again, if you need help CALL SOMEONE.

While there have been some comments on whether or not it is a true Rube Goldberg machine, there is no doubt that the video is incredibly interesting. When I finally got around to watching the video on Saturday, it was close to over a million views on YouTube. It’s quickly appearing on facebook and Twitter feeds and becoming another viral hit. OK GO easily topped its previous treadmill filled video for “Here It Goes Again” which is currently at over 50 million views on the OK GO channel. In an age where MTV has abandoned the Music portion of its station, OK GO has remade the modern music video. It’s made sure it is the band that people talk about and the video that continues to be shared.

While at a conference last week, I had at least 10 different people come up to me and ask if I had scene it.

Can we achieve the same viral impact with our organizations? There are some bands that sit around and complain about the current state of MTV and the radio, and then there are others like OK GO who rethink their approach to it. Coldplay released a full album for free or voluntary donation. They remain a popular group. OK GO is exposing their music to a much broader audience than if they just waited for MTV to do it for them.

What can we do? I continue to hear about declining spirit and enthusiasm, poor attendance, and apathy in our organizations. Could a new approach revitalize perhaps remove those stale pieces?

One of my favorite quotes is by Rob Bell in his book, Velvet Elvis, when he asks, “Why blame the dark for being dark? It is far more helpful to ask why the light isn’t as bright as it can be.”

We can complain about our current situations and struggles, or we can take that frustration and get widely creative.

Yes, I’m frightened like many of you are about the current state of our economy and how it may impact our lives, but I’ve come to the realization that if my ship is going to sink, it’s going to sink in style. If my speaking schedule is reduced because schools have less funds, I’m going to utilize that time to post more free videos on YouTube so that my message can still get out there. I’m going to try to find more ways to share ideas with educators assist more student leaders. I’m not going to do everything perfectly. If you’ve ever listened to an interview with OK GO, they talk about the multiple takes for the treadmill video and even several setups for the Rube Goldberg machine video, but did you watch those finished products? Seriously–did you watch them? I’m so glad they got creative. I’m so glad they thought outside of the box.

I also think they’re right. “This Too Shall Pass.” The question is, when it does, will you still be serving the best way you can?

I’ve been doing fairly well saying “no” to sweets recently, but a Girl Scout cookie is pretty hard to refuse. I believe in support the Girl Scout programs and I also do enjoy a sleeve of Thin Mints (let’s be honest, no one eats just one). I told them I’d hit them up on my way out.

As I shopped (trying to buy healthy food to offset the cookie awesomeness I would also bring home with me), I thought about the beauty of the Girl Scout Cookie. It’s limited in its availability like a Disney DVD or the Starbucks Holiday drinks. Purchasing it supports a good cause like TOMS Shoes or the (RED) product line. It simply tastes good.

When I was in college it took me everything not to buy a package of Girl Scout Cookies a day. I was good for the most part except when the youngest little kids came on campus and simple said, “cookie?” I know I’m going to have problems if my cousins’ kids ever try to hit me up for sales because I have trouble turning down their cuteness.

On Monday, I thought I’d try a slightly different approach. I knew I was going to get a box of Thin Mints (can anyone really resist those?), but I thought I’d be open to the possibility.

“Which cookies is the best?”

“These ones,” the girl replied. “They have little caramel chips in them & taste really good.” Her mom was actually surprised by her recommendation. ”Dulce de Leche?”

“Yep, those are the ones.”

I paid my $8 for the two boxes and headed home.

At home as I ate my frozen sleeve of Thin Mints, I thought about those elements and how we could potentially apply them to our organizations.

Every package of cookies describes what Girl Scouts promotes. Do people that support our organizations know what we stand for and who we serve?

The Girl Scouts are consistent in their sales time frame and limited scope. Do we have any annual events, projects, promotions in our organizations? Do we utilize limited editions to increase involvement and the feeling of obtaining of something with value?

The Girl Scouts are personally involved in the sales. When asked, they share what they like even if it isn’t necessarily the mainstream favorite. Are we personally invested in our organization’s programs, events, products, and promotions? Do we remain authentic in our promotion of these things?

Just some food for thought or rather a “cookie to consider.”

On February 18th, I flew on a United flight from Phoenix to Chicago on my way to a convention in Georgia. I’ve already described some of the events from that trip: the funny boy in security and the nice Canadian man I visited with throughout the flight. I neglected to mention one key moment.

After the Canadian man and I had chatted for quite some time, he got up to walk around for a moment or two and stretch his legs. I took that time to put on my Bose headphones again and zone out from the loud airplane sounds. I closed my eyes for a moment or two, but opened them just in time to see the flight attendant. She saw I was actually awake and came back quickly

“The captain wanted to give you this.”

I was a bit surprised and had to doublecheck.

“Yes, the captain wanted to give you this.”

It was his business card. On the back he had jotted down a few short sentences thanking me for being a customer and allowing him the chance to continue to serve.

Yes, I’m definitely aware that my Premier Executive status with United probably triggered this note, but it still meant something that he wrote it. He didn’t have to. I’ve never received anything like this on any flight I’ve ever taken. That day was different. The captain, after leveling off the plane and making sure we weren’t going to hit any turbulence for a bit, used some of his “free” time to appreciate me as a customer.

I’m surprised more airlines haven’t made this into a more regular practice. Pick 3-4 customers each flight and send them a note. It would definitely surprise them and they’d totally share that pleasant surprise with friends.

Can we do the same? I know that as much as I talk about appreciation, I’ve been bad of late on some of those surprise moments. I need to work on it.

What do you need to work on?

Who could you send that random note to?

Is there someone in your school, organization, workplace that could use that pleasant surprise?

Make it happen today!

Yesterday Andrew posted Reknit. From what I could see, you basically send an old sweater and $30 to this mom who unravels your sweater and repurposes it as gloves, hats, iPod cases, etc. The operation is quite small, limited to 30 orders a month (new deadline for submissions in 3/1), but the concept is great.

I love the idea of reusing something or repackaging it. I’ve been a believer in recycling programs, and I’m now starting to look into composting after seeing how effective it was in Vancouver. Doing this with clothes is great.

Finding a way to do this with others is even cooler.

What if we all found our own ways to “reknit.” I’m not saying that we need to all take up some needle or something, but rather, what if we continued to look at our world a bit differently, created small business that serve one another our world, and considered our footprint.

I know this all sounds a bit cheesy. It may be a bit too “hold hands and dance around the may pole” for you, but I truly love the idea of each of us making positive change–even if it is one sweater at a time.

This year has been quite strange for me. While I do travel a bunch, I don’t feel like I live a jetsetter life. I see myself as a normal guy who happens to hop on a plane to go to work from time to time. I don’t tend to tear up a town when I’m in it. But this year I’ve already been to the Sundance Film Festival, the Olympics, and I have a trip to Mexico planned for April. It’s been exciting. It’s been fun. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Today’s trip was quite fun. I was already scheduled to be out in southern California for a speaking engagement this Thursday. I had planned to fly out Wednesday night. On Monday morning, my cousin sent out a text that his wife was about to deliver. Soon after, I heard they were now proud parents of a baby boy. Later that night, he and I chatted and he jokingly asked if I was going to be on the next flight out to see them. I paused for a moment and thought about it. Yes. Yes, I would. I was able to rebook my flight for the first flight out of Phoenix on Tuesday morning, quickly went home, packed, slept for a handful of hours, and before I knew it I was in the hospital with my cousins and their new son.

I always forget how tiny a newborn feels in your arms. I held him there for a bit, his arms stretching out at times. Later, my cousin and I walked him around the nursery floor. After a bit he opened his eyes. I’ve read science articles describing what babies actually see at that point, but I don’t care, I really thought he was taking in his world for the first time. There is a certain sense of discovery present.

My own grandparents arrived soon after to see their great grandson (#11 in the great grandchild department for them!). My grandma is the “baby whisperer” and it was so cool to watch him completely relax in her arms. It’s moments like this when love is there in noun and verb form, but we don’t use words to describe it.

I spent the rest of the day with his big sister. She hasn’t had a chance to meet him yet due to hospital regulations in light of the swine flu epidemic (no visitors under 16). We just played. We played catch. We climbed (I was the mountain). We sang songs. We read books. We danced. We walked. We watched a movie. And we repeated the cycle.

“Uncle Patrick, let’s play!”

“Uncle Patrick, I’m having fun!”

“Uncle Patrick, can you read to me?”

There was such an excitement present in her interactions today. We did everything all out. When we laughed, we laughed out loud. When we danced, we made sure we were out of breath when we were done. When we read a story, we read it two or three times.

After she went to sleep and my cousin headed back to the hospital to spend some more visiting time with his bride, I sat there thinking.

It was a really good day. Yes, there was a brand new baby, but the activities of the day weren’t super adventurous. They were simple life moments. They were times spent with loved ones. We didn’t spend a bunch of money, we spent a bunch of time.

I think we can “wait for life” to begin, or we can recognize that it is currently happening all around us. The excitement of our days is a direct result in how we spend them and the people we spend them with. Today, I’m glad I was able to share it with some great company!

“Hello…”

He caught me by surprised. I hadn’t expected any conversation, but he continued.

“…where are you going?”

“Atlanta. What about you?”

“I’m going to Canada.”

“I was just there… near the Olympics”

“I saw that. Your sweatshirt says Canada. I LOVE the Olympics…”

For the next few minutes he told me about everything he liked about the Olympics including a special section all about he mascots. When it came time to leave, his parents smiled, and he said goodbye.

“Have fun in Canada.” I said to him during his departure.

“Probably not,” he replied, “it’s going to snow.”

I couldn’t help but smile.

I’ve been really lucky in my past few trips with incredibly nice and outgoing people on my flights. That trip to Atlanta included a really pleasant conversation with a retiree from outside Winnipeg who was returning with his wife to see their newest Grandchild. On my return from Vancouver a few days prior, I visited with an incredibly nice woman from norther British Columbia who spent several months of the year near me in Phoenix. Even in security, I ended up chatting with a group of people who gave me tips on upcoming vacation plans. It’s been quite nice.

I’m normally not this outgoing. I know, that seems odd if you regularly hang out with me, but when I travel, I tend to utilize the quiet time. I read a lot. I watch DVDs. I sleep. On most occasions, I don’t talk with those around me, but I’ve been open to this possibility a bit more recently.

While at the Olympics, I had two brothers come up to me during an afternoon trip to the Irish House and simply say, “Hello.” We got to talking. After a few minutes, they explained that their brother lives in America, that they were bummed that he couldn’t be at the Olympics with them, and that since I was by myself that afternoon, they’d love for me to join them for a bit if I wanted. Normally, I’d be opposed to the idea, letting my fear of stranger danger prevent any further contact, but I figured it was worth the experience. They ended up treating me to a meal and introducing me to a bunch of their friends. Everyone was so kind.

At the end, one of the brothers left his Canadian touque (hat) on the bench. I tossed it to him, and he tossed it back.

“I want you to have it.”

I tried to give it back, but he insisted.

“You’re a cool guy. We’ve enjoyed meeting you. I know it’s the Olympics and we’re suppose to be in competition at times since you’re American, but I’ve enjoyed hanging out with you. I want you to keep the touque and remember people getting along. Remember Canada and remember this Olympic spirit.”

It was such a nice thought. The brothers extended great kindness to me, a stranger. We visited for less than two hours in total, but the interaction was great. They shared a bit about their lives, and I shared a bit about mine.

I wish we all could do this a bit more. Perhaps that is why I’ve been open to meeting new people a bit more.

After all, the whole thing began with a simple, “Hello.”

The elliptical I used today was in perfect view of the Kids Club at my gym. I find it to be a hilarious scene, often times with the biggest, toughest guys in the gym transforming into their “daddy” roles, or a gaggle of kids emerging with an exhausted mom who probably enjoyed her only “me” time of the day. Today, one of the little guys caught my eye.

He couldn’t have been more than one and a half. He was small, wearing those funny baby pants that would be shorts on any normal human being, but fit babies perfectly. He stood at the door. His dad was in the process of checking him out of the club, but seemed to be having a conversation with the babysitters. The little guy wanted out.

Over the course of five minutes, he attempted over and over again to open up the door. He’d stand on his tippy-toes, grab the handle, and bring it down, only to be confused by what to do next. He looked directly at me a few times, apparently in hopes of getting a clue, but I didn’t think assisting in an escape was my best option. After every attempt, he’d look back at his dad–not to get sympathy, but to check if anyone was watching–and then try again. A few times he almost lost his balance, but he never fell down. He just grabbed that handle and released the door, unable to physically push it open.

Halfway through this, the other kids in the room, saw what he was doing. They moved closer to the baby gate, not even attempt to grab its handle. I imagine if they could talk it would sound like that scene from The Waterboy, but they were too young, and so instead they looked at him, eyes filled with hope.

I was surprised by the little guy’s disposition. He never cried, never whined, and never gave up.

Failure.

Tippy-toes, grab handle, release door latch, and…

Failure.

Tippy-toes, grab handle, release door latch, and…

Failure.

Finally, his dad picked up his gym bag, turned around, picked up the little guy with one arm, and carried him out of the gym.

I still had some more time left on the elliptical, providing me a moment to think.

I wonder if we are still really attempting to open up the doors in our life. Sure, there are the easy ones we walk through, but are we really problem solving anymore or pushing ourselves? When was the last time you attempted something in life that required you to get on your tippy-toes, only to fail again? When you did fail, did you turn around and look for sympathy, or did you try again?

I’m not saying I’m perfect at this. To be honest, I think I’ve been waiting for some to open doors for me, but part of me isn’t satisfied with that. Part of me wants to step up and try something tougher.

What about you?