I just enjoyed a great weekend back in San Jose where I grew up. My fiancee ran the San Jose Rock N Roll 1/2 Marathon, and I was there to cheer her on. My cousin, Adam, also ran the event and brought his awesome family to cheer him on.
If you’re a regularly reader of this blog, you’ve probably heard me brag about Mikayla, Adam’s awesome five-year-old daughter. An incredible combination of speaking and fun life events allowed me the chance to see her almost monthly during the first two years of her life even though we lived hundreds of miles apart. She’s one of my favorite people in the world and I feel blessed to have such a cool relationship with her as her “uncle” Patrick.
Adam also has a super awesome two-and-a-half-year-old-son. Jake is an unending burst of energy and is everything that is awesome about being a two-year-old-boy. He loves to run, jump, run, climb, run, wrestle, run, yell, and did I mention, run? I love hanging out with Jake as well. He’s great. Unfortunately, my speaking and life events didn’t combine as incredibly during the first bit of his life. I still see him fairly regularly considering we live far apart, but it’s more like every 3-5 months instead of monthly.
My brother, Dave, has a much better track record with Jake. He’s been good about popping in from time to time to hang out with my cousins and their kids, reading a bedtime story to Mikayla, playing ball with Jake in the backyard, and just being present. Young Jake loves my brother…
…and he gets us confused.
My brother and I aren’t identical twins or anything like that, but as siblings we do have a few similar facial features.
So throughout the weekend, Jake would shout out, “Unkoahl DAAAVE!” when he wanted my attention. He’d pass me a toy and say, “Hewr you goal Unkoahl Davf.”
We’d correct him and say, “Patrick.”
He’d quickly change his statement and use my name, but his reflex was to call me, Dave.
Towards the end of the visit, after a few hours walking through downtown San Jose during the marathon, he got better, and started to automatically call me Patrick, but it still wasn’t 100% perfect.
It obviously wasn’t anything intentional or spiteful on his part–he’s two and a half–but it did make it pretty obvious to me that I really haven’t been around.
When Mikayla was younger, she labeled the guest room in my cousins’ house “Uncle Patrick’s room.” I don’t think I could claim rights on any such room in Jake’s world.
Don’t get me wrong, I know he likes me. I know we’re buddies, but I also know that my lack of presence has had an effect on the relationship up to this point.
Long story short–our relationships require our presence. We need to be there for the people in our lives. We need to take the time to talk to them, to listen to them, to play with them. It takes time, but the payoff can be pretty huge.
My brother was able to reap some of the reward for his time investment. We set up a quick facetime with Jake and him on Saturday morning and the two had the chance to visit and chat. Jake obviously loves my brother.
Jake also obviously loves me as well.
Now I just need to be present to enjoy that awesome relationship.